One day, Jim suddenly sat bolt upright in his chair. "I think I'll join the clergy," he said resolutely.
His friend Bob, sitting across the desk from him, shook his head. "Sorry, Jim. You're an atheist. That automatically disqualifies you from being in the clergy."
Jim's brow knitted. "It does?" he said, disappointed. "Entirely?"
"I'm afraid so."
Jim thought for a long moment, then brightened. "I know. I'll be a rabbi. That's it. I'll be one of those rabbis."
Bob shook his head. "Sorry again, Jim, but the old 'atheist' thing applies there as well."
"Darn!" Jim exhaled. "Well, what doesn't it exclude? What in the name of...well, you know...does it NOT exclude?" Then he snapped his fingers. "I know! I'll be a...a dinosaur hunter!"
Bob shook his head. "Nope."
"Dinosaur trainer? Like, in a circus?"
"Nope," Bob repeated.
"Dinosaur veterinarian? Dinosaur chef? Dinosaur baby-sitter?"
"Nope...nope...nope..." Bob countered, adding, "Dinosaurs are extinct, Jim."
Jim threw up his hands in total defeat. "Well then, what in the heck-darn, cotton-pickin', macaroni-munchin', gosh-all git-out CAN I be?"
Bob looked up from his copy of "Proust For Dummies" and grimaced. "Jim! You're President of the United States! That's a pretty big deal! What the heck more do you want to be?!"
Jim's face went slack. "President of the United States? Is that good?"
"Well," Bob replied. "Historically, it's something an awful lot of people have aspired to. In fact, many consider the President of the United States to be the most powerful man in the world."
"And that's good?"
"Well, it isn't NOT good."
"Hmm," Jim said, considering the words 'it isn't NOT good' while stroking his chin. "So I'm the President." Then he brightened, snapping his fingers. "Hey! Is that why we're in the White House right now? And is that why we're in the Oval Office right now? And is THAT why I'm sitting at this big desk right now?"
Bob rolled his eyes ever-so-slightly, not wishing to make Jim feel dumb. "Yes, Jim. Right, right, right. On all counts, right."
"Wow," Jim marveled. "I musta forgot. You know...about aspiring to be President and all. And, uh...about running for President and all. And being in those, err, 'debates' and all."
"And winning by a landslide and all," Bob added.
Jim smiled. "Gosh! That IS pretty good! I guess I'll be happy now, Bob! Huh, Bob! Happy!"
Bob nodded, relieved. "Yes, Jim. You should. Yes, yes. Good. Yes."
"Happy President!" Jim cried. "Happy President of the United States!" Then he had another sudden thought. "Hey, maybe I could be President of the United States...AND a rabbi."
"Nope. The 'atheist' thing."
"Darn! How about President of the United States and a dinosaur hunter?"
"Nope. The old 'dinosaurs are extinct' thing."
"Drat! That old thing again!" Then a sudden thought hit him again, making only the second one that week. "Bob," he said tentatively. "What's an 'atheist', anyway?"
Bob explained it to him, slowly and carefully. Jim tilted his head. "I'm one of those?" he said.
"Yes," said Bob.
"Well...do I HAVE to be?"
With a dull, resigned head shake, Bob said, "No, Jim. You don't have to be."
"Yippee!" Jim cheered, jumping out of his chair and dancing around the Oval Office. "Now I can be anything! ANYTHING!"
He stopped short, his mental gears clicking a tad. "Except a dinosaur hunter. Dinosaurs are extinct. But, anything else. Anything else! ANYTHING ELSE! YAAAAY!"
At the World Summit Meeting later that day, the most important dignitaries from around the globe were astonished when the President of the United States skipped merrily to the podium and addressed the assemblage, both those in person and those watching by the millions on television, with the following feverishly excited news announcement:
"I CAN BE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES AND ANYTHING ELSE!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. "ANYTHING! ANYTHING ELSE! CLERGYMAN! RABBI! DINOSAUR HUNTER!"
A small voice came from one of the middle rows. "Dinosaurs are extinct, Mr. President."
"SHUT UP!!!"
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